Alex

Overdue introspection

2009-04-18T11:34:25Z

I'm awake. Unsure of how I got here, how this happened. Mind plays tricks on the eyes, eyes play tricks on the mind. Is that streetlight flicker, or tendrils of daylight curling past the curtains? I know not the time, much less whether I should be awake.

The light catches the dip of her waist. She's still here.

The millionth combination of chance and impulse that led to this escapes me. Time's slipping - she'll awake soon. Will this hinterland of pure delusional happiness frozen, before it changes, before what we have morphs and decays.

So I hold her close, because maybe, just maybe ...

There's just this moment.

Broken.

Seratonin Sunset

2009-01-24T20:28:14Z

The bleak is nearly upon me. I can feel its hands sliding into my skull, though it has yet to squeeze. We live in borrowed time, wondering when the crash will come.

I choose affirmation of as many alien concepts as I can muster, devaluing the concept of joy as I force myself out into the crisp loneliness.
What more is there? The pedals turn, unpowered by will. Are we all doomed to isolation, punctuated with all-too-curt moments of connection with equally lonely souls, which exacerbate the feeling that we're at once incomprehensibly different, yet crushingly mundane?
Why must I do this - hurl myself into the void betwixt sanity and obsession, hope and humiliation?

I knew this was coming. It's always the pain that we least expect that hurts us the most.

My morose meanderings are brought short by a man wakeboarding across the lock. Stop, watch, share a quiet smile with a stranger.
I felt nothing change, and yet the bleak has gone. He waves off - and for the first time in my short-term, I'm brought home. This city is beautiful in its crippling decay, it's plethora of foibles; leached in underexposed morning or awash with carnival lights.

Why must I do this? Because finally; in experiencing the lows of loss and regret, the dereliction of my insulated life - I can create.

Not my annual LJ entry

2008-10-30T11:13:58Z

I am going to the Hendricks Halloween Ball. I understand that several people are now unable to go after the change of date from Oct 31st to Nov 1st. I had intended to purchase spare tickets for other members of our party from one of my friends thus inconvenienced, but due to a miscommunication they instead returned them for a refund.

Is anyone similarly unable to go due to the change of date, who still has the ticket(s) and wants to get shot of it/them?

Mix 7: Loveless

2007-10-22T11:00:29Z

mp3 -h --preset standard, 94.5Mb
ogg -q 5, 75.8Mb
flac --best, 445.3Mb (on request)
Tracklist

kilinrax @ 2007-02-02T21:08:00

2007-02-02T21:09:12Z

SPOONTANG IS NOT A VEGETABLE

Fear nothing

2007-01-22T17:05:53Z

I wanted to let you know that you just made the top of my hate list. I mean, Corey Hart mashed into The Killers, come on!

I'll miss Dreadnought; it was fun. Now I think I need to take a break from DJing for a while.
The set went more smoothly than I expected, given the combination of sleep deprivation and a 3am slot. They still made it hard going, however, and the perfectionist in me knows I could have done better.
In fact, I may well have enjoyed the weekend more had I simply gone out to have a good time with my friends. Apologies to those I didn't see enough of.

Oh, and for those of you who missed it - and gypseymission in particular - Hey Boy, Hey World. Constructive feedback welcome.

Addendum: If anyone's in the market for a DJing set-up - Numark CDN-90, Vestax PMC-250, Gator case, Sennheiser HD495 headphones, QED and Ixos cables. Retail £1,360. Reasonable offers considered.

Update: Thanks to hythloday, files are now up on wrong.nu and linked from psy.dj.

Out, not off.

2006-10-06T16:27:15Z

The break in the proceedings is still upon me, yet as now, the weekend lies empty.

Those of you who have found my presence lacking, of late, would be well advised to call me.

Mantra

2006-09-29T15:40:47Z

You are not God. You are not the center from which music comes.
You are playing for the audience, the audience is not here for you.
Look at how people react. Whether you do it for money, personal gain, or simply because no once else wants to; the goal is the same - that the audience stays and is happy.

So, a poll:

View Poll: Floor killer.

Well, at least they won't have abortions.

2006-09-19T13:40:14Z

You know, somewhere, right now; probably in your town, maybe on your street, perhaps even in your building; one man has his penis inside another man's bottom.

Sleep tight, conservative America.

Ketarami Peppermine.

2006-09-12T15:00:36Z

"You know, looking at the way my life has turned out, it's very similar to that of the lead character of a book I once read as a child. I sometimes wonder if it made such and impression on my subconscious, that it's been moving me in that direction ever since."
"What was it called?"
"I don't remember. Or the character's name."
"Have you considered the possibility that the memory of the book is a construct of your subconscious mind, to rationalise your current situation?"
"Chicken. Egg. You have to make assumptions at some point."
"As the layers of unreality peel away, when do you know that you've stopped? How do I know that I don't have further to fall? This could be a future strand of time, which I can roll back at any point and make another choice. It's entirely possible that's I'll come to, at any point, to discover myself sitting back in the chair, smoking - and that you were just a fragment of my imagination."
"Well, I never said I was real."
"You, sir, are not helping."

Boom Festival 2006

2006-08-18T15:59:30Z

When I was younger, maybe eight years old, I used to love the beach. All I need to be happy was to feel the sand in my toes, the sun on my skin, and hear the sound of waves slowly lapping against the shore. I'd forgotten what that was like.
Until Boom.
There was a moment, lying in a haze, half-shaded from the afternoon sun, of such blissful happiness, that I felt compelled to record it. I wondered if I could do it justice, or if I should simply tell people of the many more obviously impressive things I saw there; the bridge over the lake, the garden, the fire jugglers, the hot air balloon, the skydivers, the pirate raft, the projector fountain, the cinema, the chill-out pagoda or the radio station.
And then I realised that in mentally preparing this entry, I'd ceased to appreciate the beach.

So I stopped.

The End.

For everyone going to Glade ...

2006-07-12T15:21:42Z

There goes my dream of creating the world biggest strawberry pavlova

2006-04-18T15:34:58Z

hyperspeed.org email is missing, presumed dead.
The resurrection tax is £135, which, quite frankly, I have better things to spend on.

If you've attempted to email me over the past week or so, I neither hate you nor am ignoring you (really).
Please re-send anything to, and from now on use, my lj or ixion addresses.

Unbattening the 'WTF' hatch

2006-01-23T15:50:30Z

So, just how fine do you have to grind up the baby?

"Remember when I told you we're not so different, you and I?"

2006-01-20T13:31:02Z

Chris: "I know I've got a maths degree, but I've forgotten damn nearly all of it. Does anyone know what a standard deviation is?"
Donald: "Schoolgirls' uniforms?"

Consumerist ethics are for pussies who can't drink as much as me

2006-01-13T11:02:05Z

I have a Starbucks triple-shot cappucino and a bag full of McDonalds hash browns on my desk.

Drinking for seven solid hours clearly turns me into a capitalist whore.

Farewell

2006-01-11T17:32:58Z

And thus we come to another departure.

What can I say of Tom to those of you who don't know him? Can I put four years of true friendship into words?
I was going to reminisce about some of my favourite memories; but in so doing I've realised; my overriding memory will simply be that of laughter.
Like, I'd imagine a great many people, I'm going to miss him terribly.

We'll be here tomorrow evening to wish him well. Please, join us if you can; even if it's simply to meet him for the first (and maybe last) time.

Goodbye, old friend. May we meet again soon, and often.

Update: Yes, that's a cop-out. This memory will stick.

Nothing lasts ... but nothing is lost

2005-12-08T12:16:30Z

Friendship. When does it end? Most often, the friends we lose simply drift away and fade from our lives, remembered well, albeit infrequently. Occasionally, however, the act of removing them is deliberate.
Some will display an admirably (or foolhardy) loyalty, and see a friendship through to the bitter end; as is their nature with many things. Others will abandon their friends seemingly on a whim. The resultant resentment and bitterness also varies considerably.
Now, I'm curious, as I've seen this happen markedly more often of late - when would you walk away from a friendship? When have you done so in the past? How do you think of your former friends now?

At what point should you let go of the sunk costs; the time, energy and emotions you have vested in a person; and walk out of their life indefinitely?
When is it understandable? Forgivable? Justified? Necessary?

This is not rhetorical, I am genuinely interested in people's answers.
Comments screened, for hopefully obvious reasons.

Size isn't everything, baby - it's the only thing

2005-12-06T03:52:48Z

The Alex-cave now has what is effectively a five and a half foot wide television installed in it.
Playing Burnout on a screen that nearly fills your field of vision is something of an experience ;-)

In other news, can someone please explain how it got to nearly 4am without me noticing?
I appreciate the answer to this might be somewhat rhetorical.

Answers to your answers

2005-12-01T17:41:56Z

Yeah, I've always suspected as much.

I'm not wearing that unless you absolutely guarantee to put out.

Might I suggest a rigorous schedule of eating, sleeping, masturbating and tormenting small animals? It's always worked for me.

But I don't fancy Patrick Stewart.

Well, it will be unless he strips down to his pants again.

I seriously doubt I'm that flexible.

Three words: remote control device.

Generally? You mean whenever you've drunk so much you can't see? Oh, I get your point.

You're just saying that to pander to my ego, you filthy minx.

Surely that'd only make a difference when I'm behind you?

Liar! Besides, you know how I feel about stubble.

Is that some kind of euphemism for getting fucked in the arse?

'Tis the season to be jolly, fa-la-la-la-la la-la fuck you

2005-12-01T12:08:30Z

So, Patrick Stewart is bringing his Olivier award-winning adaptation of A Christmas Carol to the Albery Theatre.

For anyone who hasn't seem him perform theatre live, he's an absolutely fucking superb stage actor. So good, in fact, that I've already seen him twice this year (yeah, stop giggling at the back).

Thanks to my champion blagging skills, I have a pair of dead centre, second row dress circle tickets in my jacket, for the 3pm matinee of Sunday the 11th December. Why the matinee, you might ask? Well, that's because it's the one date in the very short run where Mr. Stewart will be doing a Q&A session for ticket holders after the performance.

So, who wants to be my date for the afternoon?

View Poll: Patrick Stewart

Home again, jiggety jig

2005-11-29T22:38:56Z

Just landed. Switzerland was excellent, though I have bruises in places I didn't know existed.
Now to run the gantlet of customs, them home, then death.

Comment Whoring

2005-11-17T16:49:41Z

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of
you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. I promise not to come after you with a spatula, either way.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your LJ and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

Comments screened. If you don't tell me to keep them private, I'll unscreen them.

Psychedaelic cowboy

2005-11-14T18:06:15Z

I recall talking to someone recently about a collection of drawings I'd seen, drawn by an artist at various stages of a LSD trip.

Well, the drawings are here. Numbers 6 and 7 are particularly interesting.

Obligatory weekend writeup

2005-10-24T11:51:18Z

lusciousa++